What would you do – Friend stole something f/ you

[Its me]

I know this is off topic, nothing to do with cars, but would be interested in what others have to say… I know my course of action already, but would like to know how others feel.

I’ll start it off with the story:

A few months ago I borrow the DVD “Anchorman II” from a friend, We’ll call him “B”. I put off watching it because it was not family friendly, eventually he wanted it back. I said OK.. Let me find it I will give it to you over lunch.

I went and looked for it in my Rec room. Last I saw it, it was sitting on my credenza underneath the television. Mind you this is last December. I look for it everywhere, my wife looks for it everywhere, we totally emptied the credenza and did not find it. Looked upstairs in the family room and down again. My child had no idea what we were looking for and I did not suspect her of “misplacing” it in the least. She does not mess with the DVDs or use a DVD player…

I told my friend “B” I cannot find it and I will buy you a new one….

“B” came over the next day, he really wanted it back… I actually took him to the credenza and said “it was last here” He looked through every drawer, which were empty… twice. Then we looked all over the place, under, behind, around… Could not find it. I couldn’t believe it had just disappeared…. I don’t lose things very often and nobody goes to my rec room but me and my buddies when we hit my bar… I had no idea how it could be lost now… I was really confused and put off by its disappearance…

Fast forward to last night (March 28th) when I had a few buddies over to my bar (which is in the rec room) . Friend “P” had a few beers and was a bit tipsy, goes over to my credenza… I thought it was odd, but he was looking at the few DVDs that were around the TV on the credenza…. I didn’t pay any mind until he opens the second drawer and goes “whats this?” and I said, what does it say it is.. He said “Anchorman II” …. Then I about shit…. I said you have got to be kidding. I walked over and looked in the drawer, it was the only thing in the drawer… I say that I have looked for that forever. Thought it unusual he was going through the credenza drawers. How the hell does this guy find the missing DVD and what are the odds that he “just picks up” my missing DVD and has such an interest in it… The whole act of it smells like $#it…

The thing is, I KNOW that DVD was not there months ago, I find it odd that he was also around in my rec room/bar area around the same time the DVD went missing originally (around December)…. Had he wanted to borrow it, I certainly would have let him, but I definitely feel deceived.

Now, I do have the DVD back, but I feel very upset by the whole incident. The DVD was missing for 4 months and all of a sudden ends up in his hand. I wasn’t watching him closely to see if he pulled it out of his jacket and placed it there, but could have been easily done as my back was to him most the time when I was at the bar…

Ironically had any other DVD gone missing, I never would have noticed it as we have way too many anyway, but this one was the ONLY one I actively looked for because it wasn’t mine (and “P” did not know that)….. I looked for several hours over two days…. Now it reappears in his hands…

I have known “P” for about a year and I have done some car work for him… Thought him to be a good and trustworthy friend… Now I am not sure at all… The wife has more serious reservations about him… She thinks I am too trusting to begin with…

I know this is nothing concrete and I have no tangible proof, but my gut tells me something underhanded happened… It isn’t even about the value (probably $5.99 at Target) Its about taking something that isn’t yours and not owning up to it…

Even if he would have come clean and said, “ya know what, I was liquored up last time I was here and just borrowed it” I could possibly even accept that….

Thoughts?

-Karl

Topic

[Gary]

I have a hard time trusting anyone nowdays. People can be deceiving.To me, Trust is something that must be earned and not granted, over time, with a flawless record of the person keeping their word and not attempting to take advantage of me. As far as stealing goes, I do not condone it in any shape or form. If you ain’t family, you are out of my life if you steal from me, friend or stranger. No second chances for theifs.

[Paul]

I’ve had a few things (movie/video game and a book) get pushed out of a drawer and trapped in the spaces between drawers. Is it possible the DVD was hidden inside the credenza when you were looking for it and later fell into another drawer?

However, it is odd to highlight the lost disc out of a stack. If someone really wanted to cover their tracks, they wouldn’t mention it and leave it a mystery. Assuming P borrowed and returned the DVD without permission, maybe there was a thrill in getting away with it.

I recently had to deal with a person at work who borrowed equipment and supplies without permission in the middle of the night. At first, I noticed my work space was different than I had left it – things moved around, drawers rummaged through, things were not in their proper place. Sometimes things were returned, although it was usually abused. Sometimes a similar item but not identical item was returned. It was a PITA to deal with because the person denied most of it, I really don’t know what was borrowed or if anything is still missing, having to replaced damaged stuff, wasted time looking for stuff, etc.

[Bluesnut]

It’s a very tough call to make. The way this happens is just too coincidental and stinks to high heaven to me and especially when the “What’s this…” comment is made.

Rather than raise hell I might try to remain diplomatic and say nothing for the moment. However, I’d sure keep my eyes on this person if they’re around in the future.
Security cams are not very expensive. Maybe one of those hidden away somewhere could verify any future problems.

I won’t go into all of the details as the story is moderately long but a long time I pulled the trans in my Corvette to replace the clutch. It was a single car garage with the tail of the car sticking out and the door could not be closed. I parked the trans in the corner of the garage and only one person knew it was there other than me; a “friend” who just happened to drop by while I was pulling the trans.

The next morning I go to reinstall the trans, the Muncie 4 speed is gone and I’m POed to the max. The next day the “friend” dropped by and after telling him about the theft he mentions that a brother in law has one for sale. The story gets lengthy after this but I discovered the trans was mine after the continued storyline kept changing. The serial numbers had been ground away and the Chevy orange paint used to pretty it up was still sticky to the touch.

That led to me punching him in the mouth and a full blown fistcuffs following that; followed by calling the PD. The PD told me they knew him already and were not surprised at what happened. Like the old saying, with friends like that you don’t need enemies…..
I never got the trans back although the PD said they knew it was mine. The PD went over and beyond using acid and X-rays to try and bring up serial numbers and only got 2 partials. It became a known stolen item but could not be proven to belong to me so I had to go fishing for another one. Haven’t seen that weasel since and heard he took off to California.

[Dave]

I think we all know someone like this. The best thing to do is chalk it up to experience and not associate with that person or their friends anymore, the trust is gone and it will never come back.

[Nick Warner]

Right now you have circumstantial proof that does seem to raise a very high eyebrow, but as you have said no truly definitive proof implicating him. I’m also not seeing why the other guy was getting so hot and bothered right away over this 5.99 DVD. Seems a minor item to get worked up over after you had told him you would purchase a replacement for him.

I wouldn’t let on to this guy that you suspect him. Keep your eyes more open and give him enough rope to hang himself with, essentially. Then see if he repeats the behavior as he thinks he got away with it last time.

I have a real issue with people getting into my things. I used to work summers in AK and while I was gone the brother of the girl I was with decided he could use my tools. Came home to find a bunch just dropped on the ground wherever he was done with them, others couldn’t even find at all. He avoided me after that for a few weeks but I ran into him at a local bar one night. He left in an ambulance and I left in cuffs. Did a little time for it but honestly it was worth it. If nobody takes a stand against people who disrespect or steal other people’s property, they continue to escalate the scale and scope of it because they have realized they will get away with it. But when someone teaches them a harsh lesson about it that fascade crumbles and a harsh reality dawns in their heads. They learn there are consequences for doing such things and hopefully apply that lesson learned to people other than just the one who taught them the lesson in the first place.

At the same time, I would not move forward with any decisive action unless you have conclusive proof that you have the right guy. It would be bad to blame the wrong guy and could get your focus on him to the point that you do not notice who the real culprit is. Also, I am sure we have all been accused of something we had not done before, and it is not a good feeling. Certainly will estrange your relationship with this person were that to happen.

[Larry Severson]

My old school artist brother-in-law said to me something like this; “sometimes I think stealing is worse the assault, maybe those guys who cut off arms for it have something there.” I was maybe 17 or 18 at the time and it shocked me as he was a gentle sign painter by then with six kids and treated my sister like a queen. There is more to the story I suppose, as I had been a thief briefly in the period leading up to this comment and had been on probation for six months – he probably knew about it.

I loaned someone money and they paid back about 30% of it. Later they said they figured I owed them for reasons I’ll not clarify now. The more I thought about it the more I saw their point of view and frankly the money wasn’t something that caused me any hardship.

I used to leave $20 in the top drawer of my dresser when my boy was a young teen so I would know which of his friends were thieves. I never said anything to them or him, it was just a relatively inexpensive way to identify them so I could get to know them better and tease out their motivations without telling them why I was asking certain questions.

[Andrew Button]

I knew a really really good older tech once but was warned not leave him alone with my tools. Oh yea, that made me really NOT want him around me or my stuff, EVER. Shame cause he was an incredible resource on vintage Corvettes and what not, but useless to me.

[Thomas J Ahern]

Be careful! The last time that something like this happened to me , I ended up with an Aggravated Assault charge (felony) & now I have a record . I won’t go into a long story but now people know that it’s best to leave my tools & motorcycle alone! It cost me a lot but it was (almost) worth it just to kick his a**. Irish

[Author]

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