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I’m perfectly comfortable offering my help to strangers having automotive or other issues. The same with friends and family. I’m just a DIYer, but that’s better than clueless and I know when to call a professional. However, I currently have a problem with an acquaintance. Specifically, my neighbour.
Preface: He isn’t very bright, and sort of thinks he might know something about cars but really doesn’t. 2 weeks ago his car disappeared and apparently he drove it with a dead oil pump so goodbye engine. I am 80% sure this happened because he never, or almost never, changes his oil. We have discussed cars in short conversations, but he has never acknowledge any piece of information I have ever given him. Like suggesting that he should change his oil more often.
His girlfriend has an old Toyota Corolla (I think it’s eigth gen, but may be seventh). In the last couple days I’ve happened to be near a window when they’ve started it and I’ve noticed a seriously eratic idle. I’m hearing it from across the street and there is no doubt in my mind, that’s how bad it is. I had this symptom to a lesser extent shortly after I got my VW and fixed it by cleaning the MAF and throttle body. I obviously can’t say for sure that she has a dirty MAF, but I doubt it’s ever been cleaned and doing so can only make things better. It could dramatically improve the car. I’m just not sure how to approach offering to do this, or if I should at all.
Have any of you ever been in this situation? What would you do?
Thanks
nintendoeats
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I would wait for your neighbor to seek your advice or help. I work with a few “interesting” people whose egos don’t match their level of expertise level. In my experience, the fallout may not be worth the time nor energy, depending on the person/personality.
- Unsolicited advice can be perceived as criticism or a challenge to buck horns, especially with men. I don’t know if it’s social engineering, activation of the lizard part of our brain, or what.
- Liability if something goes sideways. Also, you may be blamed if another problem develops, right or wrong, whether it’s your fault or not.
- Competency is kinda like owning a pickup truck. People may want to borrow it to haul stuff and then return it without filling up the gas tank. Sometimes, being helpful can become time consuming and inconvenient. Also, there are a few people in this world who expect you to fix their problems and not return the favor.
I’m not trying be negative, but it all depends on your personality and willingness to help others.
Sounds like you are trying to be a good neighbor, but I ask you this…
Are they friends of yours? Do you want to be closer to them?
If you become the local fix it guy, they will come back..(if you do it right)…This can bite you (trust me)… I have had neighbors wake me up in the night for their problems with cars…. Since people see me work on cars and my tools from the street I have had total strangers (neighbors I didn’t know) ask me to help them fix their problems (car related)…. Personally, unless there is something wrong that could cause loss of life, limb or eyesight, I would not put myself out there… It seems like they are grown ups, and should take care of their own business (11th Commandment… Mind your own business)
But, I love gen 8 corollas… sad to see one in bad shape, they really are a great car..(I have owned many). so if you help, remember only 2000 and above corollas have MAFs and problems with one don’t manifest with a bad idle.. That type of bad idling may be simply vacuum related or just need a simple tune up…
One last thing… As I get older, I only give advice to people who ask for it… Unsolicited advice/help is rarely heeded… Even on this board when I try to help people, some just fight back… Gets old….
Good luck
-Karl
Thanks guys, I fear you are probably right. I have a desire to be helpful which can sometimes get me into unpleasent situations and this is probably one of those times.
ToyotaKarl: That’s good to know. Since I don’t know what engine she has or what year, I just looked up the engine ranges for the two generations and found that most of them were EFI and most of them were MAFs rather than MAPs. I also did find at least one reference to a dirty MAF in an A-engine causing idle issues, but I didn’t look further than that since it was enough to satisfy my curiosity.
Oh, and it’s in real bad shape. If it was daytime I’d post a picture (sans plate of course). She talked a while ago about replacing it with a Saturn Ion of all things :p
I really have to agree with the aforementioned advice. I joined this forum to help people because I’m a do-gooder at heart, but I still am weary of the fact that people inherently feel that their cars should be someone else’s problem. I love to help people, but choose to help those who deserve your effort and understand its value. People have a tendency to take real advantage of people when it comes to cars.
I’ve offered some assistance to neighbors who are out trying to work on their car and look confused, but that’s about it. As stated, people also tend to take unsolicited advice offensively. It’s sad that people would rather be given fish than be taught to fish, but that reality makes it wise to choose your ‘battles’ carefully.
I probably wouldn’t unless it was a Honda. Not to be biased to other vehicle makes but I’m most comfortable around them, I feel as though I can give an educated enough guess as to what their problem might be, I can either fix it or tell them what they need and where to have it fixed. If it’s a dead battery I’ll help a person out anytime – believe me I know how much that sucks.
One guy down the street from me, every time I’ll help him. He’d do the same – he taught me how to change my oil and I’ve been learning since then. He recently purchased 2 older used Honda’s and I’ve been helping him with things like the maintenance minder codes and maintenance specific things I’ve encountered with my Honda – it’s nice having a neighbour that isn’t stuck up their own ass.
Some people are serial wreckers of cars and if you start fixing for them you might as well figure on becoming their full time mechanic. Put air in one tire and they will drive on the next one that goes flat and ruin it.
[quote=”barneyb” post=133615]Some people are serial wreckers of cars and if you start fixing for them you might as well figure on becoming their full time mechanic. Put air in one tire and they will drive on the next one that goes flat and ruin it.[/quote]
That is the stone cold truth right there.
I learned a long time ago that if someone’s car trouble is caused by failure to perform routine maintenance… they’re not worth helping. And if you do help them, they’ll generally be relatively ungrateful and will return in short order with a new problem. I know it sounds harsh, but I no longer have any interest in spending a Saturday laying in someone’s driveway replacing a clutch… just to find the car dead 6 months later because they never changed the oil.
-McWicked
[quote=”McWicked” post=133628][quote=”barneyb” post=133615]Some people are serial wreckers of cars and if you start fixing for them you might as well figure on becoming their full time mechanic. Put air in one tire and they will drive on the next one that goes flat and ruin it.[/quote]
That is the stone cold truth right there.
I learned a long time ago that if someone’s car trouble is caused by failure to perform routine maintenance… they’re not worth helping. And if you do help them, they’ll generally be relatively ungrateful and will return in short order with a new problem. I know it sounds harsh, but I no longer have any interest in spending a Saturday laying in someone’s driveway replacing a clutch… just to find the car dead 6 months later because they never changed the oil.
-McWicked[/quote] I have to agree with this 100%. My biggest gripe is with people who I replace fuel pumps for who constantly run their tanks below 1/4 even after they are told that that will cause the fuel pump to fail prematurely over time. My sister is a prime example of this.
I wouldn’t help this guy unless I was asked by him for it. I was a PC tech by trade but when I would repair PC’s of people who I knew wouldn’t do the proper things to keep the maintenance up on it sign a contract saying I am not liable for any negligence on their part. (99% of the time this puts people off and they scurry off)
Maybe Im just bitter maybe not but I’d rather not have my butt in a sling if I can help it. It’s also funny that they know what they are doing is wrong and refuse to change.
[quote=”Jinzo” post=133655]I wouldn’t help this guy unless I was asked by him for it. I was a PC tech by trade but when I would repair PC’s of people who I knew wouldn’t do the proper things to keep the maintenance up on it sign a contract saying I am not liable for any negligence on their part. (99% of the time this puts people off and they scurry off)
Maybe Im just bitter maybe not but I’d rather not have my butt in a sling if I can help it. It’s also funny that they know what they are doing is wrong and refuse to change.[/quote] I’m sure after you clean viruses off someones computer and warn them not to go to suspicious websites, they don’t heed the warning and go do it all over again anyways. I’ve got a friend in that trade…oh the stories he has. Same thing in automotive. Sometimes, you just get people with really bad habits or are unwilling to change their tendencies for the better.
[quote=”Chevyman21″ post=133661][quote=”Jinzo” post=133655]I wouldn’t help this guy unless I was asked by him for it. I was a PC tech by trade but when I would repair PC’s of people who I knew wouldn’t do the proper things to keep the maintenance up on it sign a contract saying I am not liable for any negligence on their part. (99% of the time this puts people off and they scurry off)
Maybe Im just bitter maybe not but I’d rather not have my butt in a sling if I can help it. It’s also funny that they know what they are doing is wrong and refuse to change.[/quote] I’m sure after you clean viruses off someones computer and warn them not to go to suspicious websites, they don’t heed the warning and go do it all over again anyways. I’ve got a friend in that trade…oh the stories he has. Same thing in automotive. Sometimes, you just get people with really bad habits or are unwilling to change their tendencies for the better.[/quote]
More times then I could count. I have a few stories myself.
There is no message to this story. It is just a sad memory.
The spouse and I were in a townhouse and to the rear were garages also for rent. I rented two stalls that were originally open bay and walled them off with the manager’s permission. The stalls on the end housed three vehicles that were the property of the owner. He was a collector and I remember a GTO and a first generation Mustang convertible. What the third car was escapes me, I guess I wasn’t impressed with it.
The owner had a son about 14, too young to drive, and on several occasions I saw him sneaking off with one of these vehicles. Next door to the car collection I could be found tinkering on cars. One day the boy came over and told me the GTO was intended for him. He was wanting to replace the carpet but not sure how to do it. Would I help him? I said buy the carpet and get back to me some weekend and your car will have new carpet. I was really looking forward to working with him on this small project.
A few days later his obituary was in the paper – killed in a traffic accident. He was just a passenger, riding with an older boy as I remember. Anyway, the car collection soon after disappeared.
[quote=”Jinzo” post=133673][quote=”Chevyman21″ post=133661][quote=”Jinzo” post=133655]I wouldn’t help this guy unless I was asked by him for it. I was a PC tech by trade but when I would repair PC’s of people who I knew wouldn’t do the proper things to keep the maintenance up on it sign a contract saying I am not liable for any negligence on their part. (99% of the time this puts people off and they scurry off)
Maybe Im just bitter maybe not but I’d rather not have my butt in a sling if I can help it. It’s also funny that they know what they are doing is wrong and refuse to change.[/quote] I’m sure after you clean viruses off someones computer and warn them not to go to suspicious websites, they don’t heed the warning and go do it all over again anyways. I’ve got a friend in that trade…oh the stories he has. Same thing in automotive. Sometimes, you just get people with really bad habits or are unwilling to change their tendencies for the better.[/quote]
More times then I could count. I have a few stories myself.[/quote] I do my best to help people when they need it. However, I have no tolerance for people who don’t learn from their mistakes and are unwilling to help themselves. Albert Einstein had a great saying: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
I always do my best to help whether it’s an old couple with a flat tyre in the supermarket car park or a friend who just needs a hand but I’m not a charity If someone calls me and asks me to read the codes on there car I’m happy to do that but I’m going to charge something, normally like $15 or something it’s not much but it’s helps pay for my scan tool and my time and as It normally takes about 30 minutes for a code read by the time I’ve read the code/ confirmed the fault or discussed there options with them it’s not really much to ask.
I have been doing PC repair since I was 15 im now 29. I will tell you this I pick and choose who I will help. As long as people are willing and want to learn I have no issue. Also if someone is in a pinch. Other then that I do not help.
It goes the same way for mechanics with me.
I did 2 different internships when I was in college for IT. It got to the point where I was so aggravated I would chew out friends for asking me computer questions. I have seen, recoded, repaired things too many times over for the same person and that destroyed me for that profession. I am only going to fix and explain how to prevent and fix the issue for themselves so many times. I literally had the same person mess up a program the same way over 15 times and given them detailed instructions and step by step how to fix the problem over 9 times with pictures and things circled with what to do. It literally made me want to get them fired for incompetence.
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